People love to talk about honesty.
Values, boundaries and living in alignment. Sounds beautiful right? Very evolved.. very fucking Instagram.
But what people don’t seem to talk about (because it’s not quite as pretty) is how being honest, can actually make you pretty miserable.
Being honest doesn’t just involve saying what’s on your heart.
It’s doing the action that actually backs it up.
And that’s hard.
You say you want honesty but what happens most of the time, when you’re faced with dishonesty?
You accept it.
You explain it away and and tolerate it,
But until you’re willing to walk away from what’s really wrong.. you’ll never get what’s right.
So being honest means making decisions that at times, feel like shit.
Decisions you don’t want to make.. ones that cost you comfort, approval, familiarity and sometimes.. the people you love.
It means disappointing and hurting others.. not because you’re mean but because you finally stop lying to keep the peace.
It means a hell of a lot of walking away and choosing yourself when every part of you is screaming to stay.
And that, can feel soul destroying.
It’s the same with boundaries.
Because they’re not actually boundaries if you don’t act on them.
They’re just nice, little ideas you repeat whilst continuing to abandon yourself.
It’s not anyone else’s job to appease you.. to read your mind or bend themselves to meet the needs you don’t live by yourself.
That part is on you my friend.
You don’t get to resent people for not meeting standards you never upheld.
And what tends to happen is what we want in the moment wins, over what we need in the long term.
We want comfort.
We want the relationship.
We want to avoid the awkwardness or sadness that comes from the fallout.
So we sacrifice the future us, for the present comfort.
And this is where resentment is built.
Because you’re giving more than you should, accepting less than you deserve and not speaking up when it matters.
Instead of adjusting to the situation, you adjust yourself until you don’t even recognise yourself anymore.
Your values aren’t there for when it’s easy to stand by them.
They’re there for when it’s uncomfortable as fuck.
And honesty will cost you things but lying to yourself will cost you everything.
You’ll lay awake replaying conversations, second guessing yourself and carrying a low level of anxiety that never really leaves.
But honesty.. real honesty gives you something priceless.. the ability to sleep at night.
People know where they stand with you.
You’re true to your word.
Your yes means yes and your no actually means no.
And most important of all, you know where you stand with yourself.
That even when it hurts, you’ll do the right thing.
So yes, honesty does feel brutal, lonely and it can break your heart in the short term.
But long term?
It’s the only way to build a life, you don’t need an escape from.
